Recently, an incident in my family opened up some of my old wounds. These old wounds apparently had only scabbed over, and ripping them open still hurt almost as much as they did decades ago. So, does that mean I never forgave the person all these years when I thought I had? Some will say when you forgive, you should forget. Is that true? Are you carrying around any old hurts that bring up feelings of resentment, bitterness, and anger? As a matter of fact, holding a grudge robs you of your joy and freedom and harms your health and well-being. Hopefully, reviewing these 10 health benefits of forgiveness and the 7 R’s of forgiveness will help you reclaim your joy, freedom, and health.
What is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is an intentional decision and action to let go of resentment and anger towards others or yourself. Unfortunately, people will hurt or betray us, whether we like it or not. Forgiveness means you consciously release the negative feelings of anger, resentment, and hostility towards the person who wronged you, whether they deserve it or not.
Also, maybe you are living in regret because you did or failed to do something in the past. Living in regret is also harmful to your health even though this negative feeling is directed at yourself. In this case, you need to forgive yourself. For more on regret, check out, “What do you regret most in life?”
Forgiveness comes easily for some, whereas it is a struggle for others. As a matter of fact, some people hardly ever feel hurt or betrayed, whereas others get offended by the littlest of things. People who forgive easily are happier and have fewer physical and mental health problems. However, if you struggle to forgive others, there is hope!
First, review the 10 health benefits of forgiveness discussed below and acknowledge that you are doing yourself more harm than good by holding a grudge. Secondly, practice the 7 R’s to forgiveness, also discussed below.
10 Health benefits of forgiveness
1) Improved heart health with a lower risk of a heart attack.
2) Lower blood pressure.
3) Better and more peaceful sleep.
4) Improved mental health with less depression and anxiety.
5) Improved cholesterol levels.
6) Reduced chronic pain and fatigue.
7) Stronger immune system.
8) Lower risk of Posttraumatic stress disorder.
9) Improved self-esteem.
10) Lower stress level.
Stress is an underlying factor for many health conditions, and holding on to past hurts can be stressful. In fact, studies show that forgiveness is associated with less stress and, in turn, better mental health.
Now that we know these 10 health benefits of forgiveness, what steps can you take to forgive others?
The 7 R’s of forgiveness
1) Reflect on your feelings
Reflect on what happened and acknowledge any negative feelings that you may have toward the person that wronged you. Try to figure out what exactly got you upset, and remind yourself that it is normal to experience anger and hostility when someone hurts you. However, the goal is to let go of these negative feelings as soon as possible.
2) Review the situation
Try to view the incident from the other person’s point of view. Are there mitigating circumstances that made the person act in a way that you found hurtful? Also, practice empathy by trying to understand the mindset of that person. By reviewing the circumstances surrounding the painful event, you may even start to have compassion for the person that offended you. For example, you may find out the person is hurtful because they grew up in a hurtful household and know no other way to interact with others.
3) Resolve to forgive
Make a conscious decision to forgive. Remember that forgiving someone is a deliberate act that stems from a position of power, not weakness.
4) Request for spiritual assistance
“To err is human, to forgive divine.”
No one said forgiveness was easy. Sometimes, we need divine intervention to forgive someone who deeply hurt us. No matter who you pray to, praying for the power to forgive makes the process a lot easier. For example, one study involving American and Indian Christians, Hindus, and Muslims showed that saying a brief prayer enhanced forgiveness.
5) Revelation is key
Believe it or not, offenses and how we deal with them are essential to our growth and maturity. Therefore, find the lesson in the incident that offended you, and learn and grow from it.
6) Release all negativity
For total forgiveness, you have to let it all go. Avoid pondering about the offense or even talking about it. The less you think or talk about it, the easier it will be for you to let go and move on.
7) Repeat the process
Forgiveness is a process that may not happen in one day. Anytime you remember the incident, be prepared to forgive and forgive again.
Final thoughts
Concerning the old hurt, I know I forgave the person. But forgiveness apparently does not equal forgetfulness. Plus, how do you become wiser if you forget? And undoubtedly, every experience we go through is supposed to make us smarter. So, when the Band-Aid gets ripped off again, I have to forgive and forgive again.
After all, forgiveness is a lifelong process. No wonder Jesus Christ told Peter that he should forgive his brother seventy times seven times, which translates to a limitless number of times!
If you are a Christian who prays The Lord’s Prayer, “…Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us…”, pause now and take an inventory. Can you sincerely pray this prayer? Jesus Christ reminds us here that we have a forgiving God and that we should forgive others the same way He forgives us. Therefore, if you cannot boldly pray The Lord’s Prayer, you have some business to take care of.
So, who do you need to forgive today? It is time to regain your health, wellness, freedom, and joy. It is time to address your hurt, forgive the person who wronged you, and move on to enjoy a beautiful life. If this seems too difficult, ask God for the grace to forgive.
Finally, remember offenses will always come, but God’s grace is available to help you forgive!
Please feel free to leave your comments below. Also, feel free to share this article!
Yours in health and wellness,
Doctor Abi
